Exposure
by MarcyGoomen
Summary: [Set on Voyager] Janeway discusses some past events with Chakotay. My take on the hypothermia theme.


**Author's Note: **

_So, intrepidclass and I decided to challenge ourselves to write a fanfic based on several potential themes. We ended up with hypothermia as our fanfic subject. We had few, simple rules: 3k-5k words and rated T or less. Everything else was up to us. Make sure to read her take on this. The title of her fanfic is _Thermal Equilibrium.

_Some of the details depicted in this story can be found in Jeri Taylor's _Mosaic_. _

_As for the timeline, I'm leaving that open for interpretation. :) _

* * *

Exposure

Chakotay stared at the viewscreen as he sat in his chair on the bridge. He had probably been staring at the same image for the past couple of minutes and realized his vision was becoming hazy. He blinked a couple of times, as he tried to suppress a yawn.

Trying to keep himself somewhat entertained, he looked around and over at Tom, who was sitting at the helm as he usually did. Chakotay couldn't help but lowly chuckle. Considering they were stationary above an M-class planet Tom didn't have a lot to do. Therefore, he had decided to convert his console into a makeshift drum set. Tom rattled his fingers against the edge of the console to the beat of some music he was only aware of.

It was always so tedious on the bridge when there was an away team on the surface of a planet. They had been gone for almost two hours and had not heard from them. There wasn't anything else to do other than sit and wait.

The crew had made first contact with a species called the Mainers. After making first contacts with so many species, they had become somewhat routine. However, there was always a probability matters would not end well, as they had unfortunately learned on several occasions in the past.

As per usual, the Captain had decided to head the away team. Chakotay briefly argued with her, but he knew it was a somewhat lost cause. He knew any point he would make to deter her from the mission, she would only have a valid retort in return. At least Tuvok would accompany her to the surface. It had been agreed to only beam the two of them down in order to survey the conditions on the surface before sending more crew.

Chakotay let out a deep breath and slowly turned his head to look over at Ops. He wasn't the least bit surprised to find Harry working diligently at his station. If Chakotay didn't know better, he would have assumed they were in battle from the way Harry's fingers danced across the dash. Harry must have sensed him looking in his direction because he raised his vision and noticed his commanding officer staring at him.

"Just running some diagnostics, sir," Harry volunteered, rather quickly. He must have noticed the quizzical look on Chakotay's face.

"Keep up the good work, Harry." Chakotay smiled at the Ensign. He was returning his view toward the dreary viewscreen when several beeps sounded from Harry's console. He immediately turned his focus back toward Ops. "Report!"

After a couple of taps on the console, Harry furrowed his brows and lifted his head to look toward him. "There was a situation on the planet. Someone was beamed directly to sickbay."

"What type of situation? And who was beamed to sickbay?" Chakotay asked, trying to keep himself in control. He glanced over at Tom, who had now swiveled his chair toward them.

"Not sure yet," Harry replied, continuing to monitor his console. After a moment, he took a deep breath and looked up at Chakotay, worry surrounding his eyes. "It was the Captain. She's been injured."

Chakotay felt his stomach churn and a lump form in his throat. He felt his knew buckling, but he couldn't let his personal feelings affect how he handled the situation. He pushed his emotions to the side and let the command persona take over.

"Raise shields. Run a thorough scan of the area. Until we know exactly what happened we need to take every precaution." Chakotay had made his way to Harry's console and watched as the Ensign worked.

"Shields are raised and scanners detect no ships in the area or coming from the surface. We appear to not be in any danger," Harry offered.

"Good. Continue to monitor the situation, Ensign Kim," Chakotay replied, patting the Ensign gently on the back. "Mr. Paris, if there are any signs of danger, get us out of here as soon as possible. Also, you have the bridge. I'll be in sickbay."

Chakotay walked as quickly as possible toward the turbolift without waiting for a reply from Tom. Once the doors closed behind him, he let the emotions he had felt earlier take over him again. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He wasn't sure how many times he had made this same trek to sickbay. There was always that nagging feeling at the back of his mind that made him wonder if this was the last time he would see her. He pushed those dreadful thoughts away and continued his ride completely immerse in anxiety.

=/\=

Tuvok carefully held onto the Captain's lifeless body as they materialized in sickbay. Within seconds, the Doctor loomed over her, scanning her body with his medical tricorder and instructing the security officer to place her on a nearby biobed.

"What exactly happened, Mr. Tuvok," asked the Doctor, without removing his vision from the beeping tricorder.

"The Captain and I were in the office of the Mainers' prime minister, along with some other officials. The Captain was telling them about our journey in the Delta Quadrant and our desires to get home. We were venturing into the topic of first contact customs for their people. However, before we could discuss the manner any further, the Captain began shivering uncontrollably, whispered she was cold, and when she turned toward me, I noticed her face was quite pale and had a bluish tint. Then she collapsed onto the floor. That is when I called for an emergency beam out."

"She's showing every sign of almost severe hypothermia: low blood pressure, decreased heart rate, and her body temperature is reaching critically low levels. I don't understand," the Doctor said, glancing up at Tuvok and returning his focus to his monitors.

"Neither do I, Doctor."

"If I didn't know better I would say she had been trapped on some snow-covered planet for several hours."

"That is not possible, Doctor."

"I know that!" The Doctor snapped, rolling his eyes. "Why does every person on this crew manage to make my life so complicated? Good thing I'm adequately skilled to solve all these enigmas thrown at me."

Tuvok raised a solitary eyebrow as he watched the Doctor work.

"As for now, the Captain is stable. She's not quite out of harm's way yet, but her vital signs are improving, gradually."

Before Tuvok could respond, he heard the doors to sickbay hiss open. He turned to find Commander Chakotay entering and swiftly making his way to them. Tuvok was certain he noticed the Commander's face full of worry when the doors opened, but soon vanished once he walked in.

"Doctor, how's the Captain?" Chakotay asked, as calmly as possible.

"She's stable at the moment."

"So, she's going to be fine?"

"She's not out of the woods yet, Commander. But she has a good prognosis."

Turning his attention to Tuvok, Chakotay asked, "What happened?"

Tuvok repeated the same story he told the Doctor moments before. The Commander appeared confused, but didn't interrupt until he was done.

"So the Captain felt cold and collapsed?"

"Correct. "

"Did anything else happen on the surface that might have caused this reaction?"

"Not that I'm aware of. We went on a brief tour of their Headquarters until we reached the Prime Minister's office. We hardly came into contact with anyone. It is a baffling situation." He paused. "With your permission, sir, I would like to return to the surface to investigate what occurred there earlier. I believe we will be able to understand why this happened to the Captain."

"Permission granted. Just take a small security team with you. We don't want this to happen to anyone else. Any sign of trouble, beam directly back."

"Of course, Commander." Tuvok turned toward the door and disappeared down the corridor as soon as the doors opened.

Chakotay returned his attention to the Doctor, who was now working at nearby console. "Doc, any improvement?"

"Not since the last time you asked, no." The Doctor, noticing the look of concern on Chakotay's face as he looked over the Captain's unconscious body, realized how harsh his comment had been. "Commander, she's stable. Why don't you return to the bridge and I'll let you know immediately if anything changes. There really isn't anything you can do here. I'm sure the Captain wouldn't want you to be worrying about her like this."

Chakotay nodded. It almost appeared as if he was trying to convince himself of the Doctor's words. After a long moment of silence, he replied, "I'll be on the bridge."

The Doctor watched as Chakotay reluctantly left Sickbay.

=/\=

"Come."

Chakotay walked into the ready room as soon as the doors opened. He hadn't seen her since his last visit to sickbay, the day she had been beamed up from the surface. He had wanted to visit her right away in her quarters when the Doctor informed him of her release, but he felt she needed some time to herself. But now he couldn't help but smile when he saw her casually sitting behind her desk.

However, today was not like every other day. Today was different. Today was another day she had managed to cheat death. An occurrence that was becoming far too frequent and sadly, he felt, would not be the last. Nevertheless, he was just beyond satisfied to have some time alone with her at last.

"I thought the Doctor told you to rest?" he asked, teasingly, knowing very well what her answer would be. Chakotay knew Captain Kathryn Janeway did not know the meaning of rest and seemed to have obliterated the term from her vocabulary.

"I thought your shift ended hours ago, Commander?"

"It did, Captain. But when I went to your quarters, I realized you weren't there. I was a tad worried until the computer so graciously informed me you were in your ready room. You should be resting."

"I feel fine, Chakotay," she responded, giving him a slight smirk. "Plus, there's no way I could sit in quarters when there's all this work to do. There are so many reports to complete."

"You do know they can wait, don't you?"

The small smile that had covered her face slowly vanished. She placed the PADD she held in her hand on her desk and sighed deeply. "I know." She paused for a moment. Her gaze focused on the PADD. "I just couldn't sit in my quarters any longer. I just needed to keep myself busy."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She lifted her eyes to casually glance at him and replied, "No." She paused again, appearing to be searching for the right words. "At least not right now. I feel I need a little time to process this myself. I'm supposed to meet with Tuvok tomorrow morning to discuss his findings. I might understand what happened better by then."

Chakotay nodded in understanding. "Well Captain, I don't want to keep you from your reports. But if you need anything, you know where to find me." He smiled at her and made his way toward the door.

"Chakotay?"

He turned around to face her.

"How about dinner. Tomorrow night? Nineteen hundred hours? My quarters?"

Chakotay smiled. "Sounds like a plan. I'll bring the wine."

Before he turn around and leave, she whispered, "Thank you."

"Any day."

=/\=

Kathryn was surrounded by snow and ice. She could feel the freezing air cutting her skin. It felt like thousands of needles stabbing her all at once on her cheeks, her neck, her eyes and all other exposed skin. She was alone in the vastness of white. She was very confused and couldn't really tell where she was at. She tried to open her eyes, but she could only keep them partly open for moments at a time. The cold wind was so strong that it wouldn't allow her to keep them open any longer. They burned. They watered. She was in so much agony.

Whiteness. She was surrounded by whiteness.

She felt a throbbing sting in her leg, but wasn't sure why. She tried to inspect her limb to determine if there was something wrong, but her finger tips had gone numb and were useless in helping her lift her pant leg.

Cold. She was so cold.

Her body would not stop shivering. It was a normal reaction to being cold, but she had never felt her body betray her in this manner. She could hear her teeth rattling against each other, echoing in her head. The noise was beginning to drive her mad. She couldn't stop it, though. She couldn't stand up straight anymore. The pain in her leg was taking its toll and her trembling body, along with the rattling of her teeth, was not allowing her to focus.

Howling. The wind was piercing in her ears.

She couldn't manage to stand up anymore and her body collapsed onto the softness of the snow. It caressed her. It hugged her. Her body shuddered in the snow, yet felt welcomed to be cuddled by it. She couldn't keep her eyes open. All she wanted to do was sleep.

Sleep seemed wonderful; peaceful. But her shivering body wouldn't let her rest comfortably.

She could feel herself drifting off, even with all the discomforts, when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder.

"Kathryn?"

She jerked upright in confusion, blinking several times to clear her vision. She noticed Chakotay standing in front of her, taking a step back to give her some room to orientate herself.

She felt her body shivering and her mouth was dry. The only words she was able to speak, "I'm cold."

Chakotay looked at her with concern. Still standing in front of her, he leaned forward and gently took hold of her hand. "Kathryn, you're freezing. We should go to sickbay."

"No! I'm fine." She had started to realize where she was at and could feel her body slowly start to warm up. The trembling subsiding.

"You don't look fine. You look really pale."

She looked around in a daze and noticed they were in her quarters. She stared at him. "Why are you here?" she asked, almost accusingly.

Chakotay, detecting her tone, explained, "We were supposed to meet for dinner, remember? When you didn't answer I thought you might be in your ready room again. But when the computer said you were in your quarters, I thought something had happened to you, so I asked for a security override."

"Oh,"

"I found you right here, asleep on the couch, shivering uncontrollably. I didn't mean to frighten you, though."

"You didn't. I was just having a dream. Well a nightmare." She blinked a couple of times, trying to gather her thoughts. She ran her hand down her leg, trying to remember exactly what was wrong with it in her dream. She shivered again at the thought of the snow and the cold wind hitting her face.

"You're still shivering, Kathryn. I think you really need to go to sickbay."

She shook her head, "No, I'll be fine. It's not the first time it's happened."

"Not the first time?"

"Would you mind getting me some coffee?"

Chakotay wanted to know exactly what she meant, but knew she needed some time. He figured providing her with her favorite caffeinated blend would slowly ease her into telling him what she had been dreaming about. He walked over to her replicator and requested the drink. Once it materialized, he walked over to the couch, handed her the cup, and took a seat next to her.

He let her take a couple of sips before asking again, "Not the first time?"

She knew he wasn't going to let her off that easily, especially what she had been through the last couple of days. She closed her eyes to gather her thoughts, but was met with the images of snow and ice again. Her body unconsciously shivered at the mere images in her head. She immediately opened her eyes to try to make the trembling stop.

Chakotay detected her shiver next to him. "I'm going to get you a blanket."

"No, that's ok. I'm all ri…"she didn't even bothering finishing her sentence when she noticed he had already made his way to her bedroom.

He pulled the blanket off her bed and walked back to the couch with it. He wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and watched her snuggle against the covers. He took the same seat next to her. "Better?"

"Yes," Kathryn begrudgingly answered.

They both sat in silence while she drank her coffee, cuddled in the blanket. She could feel him observing her every so often. She could tell he wanted to know what had been happening with her, but was going to wait for her to divulge the information without him having to directly ask.

Chakotay wasn't comfortable with the silence in the room and finally decided to ask a safe question. "How did your meeting with Tuvok go?"

"Fine. His investigation is closed. He turned in his report this morning," she replied, dryly. Still taking sips from her coffee.

It appeared she wasn't going to elaborate on the matter any further, Chakotay noticed. However, as her first officer he had a right to know what had transpired on the surface. He could just read Tuvok's report later, but rather have her tell him the details. "So, what did Tuvok determine occurred down there?"

She took a deep breath and glanced over at him, placing her coffee cup in the table in front of her. "It appears the Mainers are a very…suspicious society. Don't get me wrong, Chakotay, they are a very friendly people, but they do not fully trust visitors." She paused. "They have the ability to read people's minds."

"Like Betazoids?"

"Not exactly. They are more advanced than that. They can delve into your inner psyche and pull out all repressed memories from someone's past. It's their way of trying to determine if someone is trustworthy. On their planet, everyone is aware of everyone else's feelings and memories, so there is no need for distrust."

"I see. And they started to read your mind without letting you know what they were doing?"

"Yes."

"But that's a violation of your…privacy!" Chakotay couldn't help but feel outraged.

She nodded, picking up her coffee again. "I know. The Mainers don't receive that many visitors. And of course, they've never had humans on their planet. According to them, we have a _feeble_ mind that cannot handle that type of intrusion. They never thought it would have that sort of effect on me."

Chakotay stared at her with furrowed brows. "Why wasn't Tuvok affected?"

Kathryn slightly tilted her head to the side and raised both eyebrows. "Have you not met Tuvok?"

Chakotay couldn't help but laugh. He was glad to see her trying to lighten the mood. He was finally seeing his Captain in her usual self and not surrounded by a look of sadness and despair that had been evident when she awoke.

Returning to a more serious tone, Kathryn continued, "Tuvok has strong mental abilities. They weren't able to completely penetrate his mind, and they didn't have a long time to attempt it when I collapsed on the floor." By now she had returned her gaze to the cup she was holding in her hands.

Chakotay gently placed his hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "If you want to talk about it, Kathryn, I'm here to listen. If you don't, I can get dinner started. I'm sure you might be hungry."

She continued to stare at her now empty mug. She wanted to tell him everything. He was her best friend, her confidante and she trusted him fully. But at the same time, she really didn't want to relive all those memories once again. But if she didn't work through these memories, she was sure the nightmares would continue to haunt her every time she closed her eyes. She was so busy trying to make a decision that she hadn't noticed Chakotay stand up from the couch and walk over to the dining table. She was certain he had assumed her silence meant she didn't want to discuss the matter further. She was also positive she detected a look of disappointment in his face.

She let out a deep sigh and just let the words come right out of her mouth. "I used to be engaged."

Chakotay turned around from the table to look at her, slight confusion on his face. "I know. To Mark."

"No," she shook her head from side to side. "I was engaged to someone else before Mark."

"Oh," Chakotay replied, the confusion still evident on his face. He really didn't know where this was going and wasn't quite sure he wanted to know.

"I could have saved him, you know. He didn't have to die," she said, glancing at him, grief taking over her face once again.

Now Chakotay was definitely lost in her rambling. But standing in front of the table, looking completely puzzled wasn't going to make her feel confident enough to tell him more. He walked over to the couch and sat down right next to her again. "Kathryn, I'm here for you," he whispered, "but I do not quite understand what you are trying to tell me."

She let out another sigh, "His name was Justin Tighe. We met on my first mission when I was an Ensign. We butted heads at first." She paused to smile, remembering how difficult it had been to work with him at the beginning. "He saved my life when I was captured by the Cardassians. We eventually fell in love and became engaged."

Chakotay had to force a small smile when she looked over at him. He noticed the agony evident in her eyes.

"He died, along with my father, when the shuttle we were testing, crashed into the polar ice caps on Tau Ceti Prime."

Everything was falling into place and making complete sense to Chakotay. That's why her body had shown every sign of hypothermia. The memories the Mainers exposed caused her body to react in the same manner. He never knew the full details of her father's death and was never aware of her first engagement. He knew Kathryn was a private person and only a few people were privy to learn about her personal life. He couldn't help but feel a sense of pleasure at being one of the few people she trusted enough to share memories she had kept hidden for so long.

"I'm sorry, Kathryn," he said, taking her hand and squeezing it gently. "I understand if you don't want to talk about this further."

"No, it's fine. I mean, it happened about seventeen years ago. I've had enough time to process what occurred and come to terms with it." She paused, holding on a bit tighter to his hand. "But yesterday, those memories were so vivid, so real, I felt as if I was there all over again. My body reacted as if I was back on that planet reliving every moment." She let go of his hand and stood up. She picked up her empty cup and placed it in the replicator to recycle. She walked toward the window and stared out at the stars. In an almost inaudible whisper she added, "And now every time I close my eyes to try to sleep, I feel as if I'm back on that horrific planet."

Chakotay could see the ache in her face and hear it in her voice. He wanted to hold her; to comfort her. He wanted to tell her everything was going to be okay and she always had him to talk to. That he would always be there for her. But he knew he couldn't.

He stood up and walked to her. He wanted to take her pain away but all he could manage to do was place his hand on her shoulder, the same way he had done earlier. He knew it was the closest he could get to her and not make her feel overly uncomfortable.

"When I woke you up earlier, is that what you were dreaming about?"

"It was. And that is also why you found me in my ready room the other day. I tried to sleep when I left sickbay, but I was inundated with those memories again. I rather keep myself busy than let them fill my mind."

There was something she had mentioned earlier that was still bothering Chakotay. He knew that if was going to ask, he should ask now. "Kathryn, earlier you said he didn't have to die. What did you mean?"

"Exactly that. Justin didn't have to die. My father didn't have to die. But I couldn't save both. I could only save one. I tried my hardest to save both…" Tears were starting to well in her eyes. She turned around to face Chakotay. "I tried so hard to save them together that I lost them both."

Chakotay felt helpless. He could tell she was fighting the tears with all her might and she really needed to just let go. He took a step forward, reached out his arms, and hugged her. He was prepared to let go if he sensed her not wanting the physical contact. When he felt her arms reach around his back and her face bury in his chest, he squeezed her tightly and whispered close to her ear, "You need to let go of the guilt, Kathryn. You tried, but you can't beat yourself up with these thoughts."

"I know," she said, lowly. When she let go of Chakotay, streaks from her tears were visible on her cheeks. "But sharing this with you has made me feel somewhat better. My sister, Phoebe, snapped me out of it the first time around. I guess you'll be responsible for that task this time," she remarked, tapping him on the chest twice with the palm of her hand.

He couldn't help but smile. Knowing she trusted him enough to share personal details made him swell with emotions, but the fact that she relied on him to help her through this, made him feel even better. "I'm always here to help you, you know that."

"Good." A small smile formed across her face. "Well what do you say we actually have dinner now? I promised dinner and we are having dinner."

"Sound good to me."

"Let's just hope this darn replicator doesn't destroy the meal I have planned."

He couldn't help but laugh. "Yes, blame the replicator."

The death glare she shot him would have sent anyone else running out the door. She returned her attention to the replicator's control panel. Soon two dishes materialized right in front of her. Chakotay had already taken a seat at the dining table and was opening the bottle of wine he had brought. She placed the dish in front of him. "Roasted butternut squash ravioli with sage brown butter sauce," she said, taking the seat opposite him.

"Looks delicious," he replied, while filling her glass with wine.

"How about we keep dinner conversation somewhat light tonight."

"I couldn't agree more."

They smiled and gazed at one another over the flowers that adorned the center of the table. She broke the silence when she asked, "Did I ever tell you the story how I found Molly?"

Chakotay shook his head from side to side. He observed her as she began to tell her story. There was still pain detectable in her eyes, but she made every effort to hide it from everyone. But with him, she allowed her vulnerability to show. He knew she was a very strong-willed person and if anyone could overcome tragedy again, it would be her.

They spent the rest of the night telling each other stories from their past. The evening had started on a dreadful note, but ended lightheartedly. When Chakotay finally left her quarters close to midnight, he was determined to make every day better for her in every way possible. As he walked down the corridor, toward the turbolift, he began skimming the book she had let him borrow.

_Dante's Inferno. That should be an interesting read._


End file.
